State Farm Who?

I don't drink enough milk.  I definitely am not a dairy farmer's monetary fountain.  However, I've never broken a bone and for the most part I'd say I'm a fairly healthy lad.  But it's still important for a guy like me to have health insurance.  Insurance...let's check that palabra out.

Insurance as you may know is direct kin to risk.  The riskier you are the more insurance you should have.  But even the cat lady watching soap operas needs insurance.  Now coverage, like most earthly matter, has evolved over the years and there are many different forms of it.  My personal favorite is a gun.  But there are all sorts of back up plans......a rock climber's insurance is that rope he's connected to, for a financial advisor, a rainy day account and for the empty handed drunk at the bar, an ex-girlfriend seems like a perfect solution at last call.  It's science.

But while I preach the importance of insurance, I must say that I don't really care about the most common forms.  Dental, health, car...etc.  I mean I get why they're there.  And  I have them because it makes sense but the insurance that I like on my side, keeps me covered on more of a weekly and often times daily basis.....

There's all sorts of things on a given day that can bring you down.  For the sake of keeping your cup half full, I won't divulge.  But no matter the happenings, circumstances or people that make up your day, you should always have these aces up your sleeve.  I like to call this my personal insurance plan.

1.  Exercise.  One of my amigos told me the other day that he doesn't like working out.  I agreed with him.  If I had a button I could push to keep me in shape, I would push it 23 times a day.  But the act of it isn't what enjoy, it's the feeling I get after I am done.  It's a feeling of productivity.  Boom.

2.  Volunteer.  I'm no Mother Teresa.  Far from it.  In fact it sounds selfish to say that one of the reasons I volunteer is to keep MY head right.  But even so, people are getting helped and it's a good thing.  It can be as simple as giving blood or spending an hour a week at the homeless shelter, but it will improve your moral fibers.  Lo prometo.

3.  Go to church.  I'm not an advotcate of pushing religion.  It's not my thing.  And I really don't care if you even have a religion.  All that I know is that I feel like a better human when I leave mass on Sunday.  Even if you spend half of the service thinking about what you're going eat for lunch or the pretty girl in the second row, it gives you a great start to your week.

4.  Read a book.  I don't know why this works for me.  In fact the most time you have to spend doing this is 15 minutes a day.  It works because it slows you down to mentally recharge,  it takes your mind off the rest of the world for a second, and it makes you seem intellectually ambitious.  Eh?

Subsequently, through life's trial and error, these are just a few things that I consider my personal insurance plan. So no matter how big of a mental flood or emotional fire the day brings, I know I'm covered. State Farm who?

I condone these few simplicities.  This isn't my theory, these are just some things I do to make sure I'm making the day my b*#&@.  They work for me, they may work for you, everyone is different.  Maybe your skin sizzles when you go near a church. Forget that one, and go see a doctor.  And as always, it's your right to tell me I'm full of it.  So bring it.

New in my life:  Every-ONE that I know is still in light rotation.  I wore a headband the other day.  Applause is too trendy for me.  If you put the toaster on bagel mode, you must change it back when finished.

Keep smilin'

JM

Where's the Beef?

The Napoleon complex is something serious that everyone should make fun of.  Now while I am a shorter male, I don't have "Little Man Syndrome."  This is one of the many reasons getting in a fight with another human isn't my forte.  Let me get my soap bucket.

It seems very juvenile to want to fight someone, but somehow there are still people over the age of 13 that want to do it. I simply like to vocalize the lack of logic and comedic aspect of a physical encounter. So you're saying that after you punch me, I'm going to look at this whole situation much differently? Okey dokes. Truth is, a scuffle doesn't change anything. It just makes the victorious party a little more confident. And in a fight situation, the victorious contender can be very open to interpretation. Most of the time, the two people that fight think the same thing of each other after they sling some knucks. And that my friends is a waste of time, which is inefficient, which is not something I enjoy to be. So it's not that I don't like fighting because it is violent and I am small, it's because it's inefficient and I don't have time for those kind of antics.

To hit on my vertical condition again, I've never been in a fight and don't plan on it, but being smaller than the average bear my natural instinct is to beef up my friends roster with taller much bigger people. Now when I see a tall guy I don't run up to him and ask to be friends. I usually wait a day and facebook him. Hah. No I kid. I think by social Darwinism, my friends are taller than most. Once again, just my theory. It's science.

I suppose this blog throws it out there that I am a lover not a hater. There goes the tough guy card I was trying to pull.  Take Brazil as an example. They haven't deployed troops since WWII, no bordering countries have an outspoken dislike for them, and due to their resources they have a rapidly growing economy. They watch futbol, drink beer, and rear beautiful women to sit on the beach. Comparitively, for a country that size, that's legit. My point being, move to Brazil. But really it would be interesting if we had a way of measuring the number of bar fights in Brazil compared to "put a boot in your ass" Merica. Yea that's Toby Keith, I apologize.

It's hard to change a person and I'm part of the solution team, so here are a couple of tips for all you raging hormonal creatures out there: Raggae, The Best of Bill Dance Bloopers, and cheesecake.

If this blog or my dislike for Toby Keith makes you want to fight me, I'm game. As long as I get to thoroughly point out your flaws as a human being beforehand. I could be the best fighter in the world, I just don't know it because I've never done it.  Yep.

New in my life:  Democracy.  I met a minature Australian Shepard.  Rap in country music personally offends me.  Snail mail is under-rated.

Keep smilin'

JM

The Little Vacuum That Could

I really don't like using alot of overused quotes.  For example "You can do anything you set your mind to."  Yes, I realize that in the process of saying I don't like them, I in fact, used one.  When I was a little chico, I never minded vacuuming the floor.  Confused?  Read below.

The best part about success is that it takes patience and persistence.  College is a great thing, and it's a useful place to figure out if you're cut out for life, but the collegiate experience isn't about figuring out what you want to be when you grow up.  It is a storybook.  Pick a major, go to class, explore the opposite sex and alcohol, graduate, get a job and be happy.  Hmmm...

While school at the university level greatly increases your opportunities, it also limits alot of people into thinking they can only be a pimp in the specific field they studied.  A college degree is just an expensive piece of paper saying you achieved a feat.  It's like finishing the giant steak and getting your meal for free.  Sorta.  It has been awhile since a potential employer asked me what I learned in my Agriculture Business class in college. Truth is, employers put more emphasis on who you are rather than what you know.  Why you ask?  This is where we can all take a lesson from a vacuum cleaner.

I don't like to be bad at things.  In fact, my biggest weakness is being good at a bunch of different things, which doesn't leave me alot of time to be great at one thing.  I'm working on it. ha.  But a theory I've had for awhile is that you have to suck at something before you become good at it.  (Get it?  Vacuum cleaners always suck. yep.)  And while that theory sounds negative,  it actually is quite the opposite.  It's motivating.  The fear of failure and starting back at zero is what keeps this theory from taking off.  Just because you studied to be an accountant doesn't mean you have to count beans your whole life.  Suck at something else.  Then get good at that something else.  This also is why I have a hard time being compassionate to those who complain about their job.  Make a move.  A great quote I heard the other day: "Where you are is where you have been focusing."  Let it sink in...

This makes a college degree sound like a waste of money and time. Like I said previously, there is alot to be learned in college.  Now what you learn and where you learn it is a personal audible you are going to have to call.  College is just an example.  With anything in life, you have to start somewhere, and usually you have to start as a vacuum cleaner before you move up to the connoisseur status. 

Summation:  It's okay to be bad at something.  In fact it's part of the process.  Keep on truckin'

New in my life:  I recently was exhorted in a lovely midwestern state.  Jeans, hats and boots are an investment not a purchase.  At age 24, I just now learned what divinity school is and that vacuum has two u's. It's all good in the hood.  Boom.

Keep smilin'

Cowboys and Indians

I know this one guy. He swears he can pull off wearing Crocs for shoes. Kinda short for the male species too. Weirdo. Truth is, everyone is weird. It's the normal people that I feel bad for.

Thats why people in their teens get frustrated with their parents thinking they can change the way their folks act. But logically thinking, by the time you want to change how your parents function, they've been acting that way for 20+ years. I'd bet they are pretty content on how they go about things. That's why I think it is a maturity checkpoint when you start to embrace your parent's individualities rather than fight them. But this notion isn't just about parents, it's about everyone who currently has a personality...

Personality wise, I appreciate the fact that people are different than me. I'm glad not everyone likes pepperoni and mushroom on their pizza. And I like that not everyone's favorite beer is Busch Light. You don't like country music? Thats cool, I don't like your music either. Ha kidding. To each his own. (For the record, someone once stole my crocs, now they wouldn't have done that if I didn't look fantastic in them.)

But I enjoy meeting a person that is both different than me and at the same time totally confident in their own skin. You say you're a Primus rank in Dungeons and Dragons? I don't know what that is, but that's awesome. What I'm saying is, whatever your thing happens to be, no matter how peciluar or black sheepish, own it. Personally, I'd rather you be a Dance Dance Revolution champ than try to be something you're not.

This also is why I don't feel bad for people who are weird over the age of 18. Most of the time, they are choosing to be that way. It's their personality. So these days, just like I embrace the wonderful uniqueness of my parents, I also love the fact that some random guy at the gas station just told me he was from Oregon and has 2 Rottweilers. He's different. That's cool with me.

So if you are weird, own it. If someone else is weird, embrace it.

New in my life: It's exactly 445 miles. Normally when my true colors show... it's camoflauge. My washer boards have dust on them. The Girl Scouts are back.

Keep smilin'

JM

Filling your Bucket

There is a theory that the saying "kicking the bucket" comes from the ages when people were hung as punishment for a crime. I hope no further description is needed. I heard this known saying a long while ago, and didn't realize at the time how much the bucket thing makes sense.

Describing life as a bucket ties in well to how people look at each other. In a previous jaunt of words, I mentioned that some people that you talk to take more emotional energy than others. My theory is that there are two types of personalities: fillers and drainers. Cue the bucket concept. Everyone knows a drainer. A negative Nancy. A person that requires more patience. Someone that when you are finished talking to them, you feel a little more exhausted, or drained.

But my personal favorites are fillers. The type of person that spreads inspiration and motivation just by conversing. They give energy instead of taking it. I think we all should strive to be one. I know a few and it's great to have them in my bucket so to speak. Now, while we all have the decision to either be a filler or a drainer, the more important decision is how many fillers or drainers you have in your life. To do that you may have to make a judgement call.

I find the word "judging" in the english language has gotten a bad rap. It's not necessarily a negative thing to judge a person or idea as long as your judgement is based on fact and not opinion. However, I believe it is negative to wrongfully judge something. It's human nature to judge, it is how we develop who we are and the people within our posse. I like to pick my amigos based on factual observations. Like something someone did or said. And comparing those observations to my personal moral standards, I decide if you are legit.

One of the better analogies I like to use, is comparing people's lifestyle to the stock exchange. If you're being sketch, your stock is going down. If you don't bathe properly, your stock is going down. If you like Toby Keith, your stock is going down. If you're a drainer, your stock is going down. Oppositely, the easier you are to do business with on a daily basis the more your stock is going to rise.

Dovetailing into this concept, there are many different ways to evalutate or judge a person. In fact, how you hold a candle to someone is a great evaluation of your own moral standards. And the people that surround you on a day to day basis, are a reflection on how high or low those standards are.

This episode has two concepts to choose from. One about who you call your people: Are you filling or draining your bucket? And one about your own persona: Is your stock rising or falling? Fill your bucket and increase the value of your stock. Yep.

New in my life: The other day before I went into a farm supply store, I decided to throw on my camoflauge hat. Ya' know, to blend a bit. I'd like to think I wear many different hats quite well. And I mean that in all facets of that saying.

Keep Smilin'

JM