Tom Foolery Fa Dayz

I pulled up on this vehicle going about four-teen miles an hour on the highway the other day. Initially, concerned for my own well being I was upset at the ignorance of the driver. When I passed the vehicle it was the stereotypical old lady.  I felt bad, but my middle finger doesn’t play favorites. That’s a joke. No birds were flipped. But then I mentally pumped my brakes and I tried to step into her orthopedic shoes for a second.

Someone told me the other day that they couldn’t meet up because they were busy. That’s cute. Who isn’t busy these days? We are all as busy as we want to be. And what you make time for is also a matter of choice. So when you tell me you’re busy, what you are really saying to me is “The other things in my life are higher priority than you.” Nothing wrong with that, in fact it probably is true. This is just a Public Service Announcement letting you know how it translates.

There is this trend that has been going on for a few centuries now. It’s a thing people do. They make lists. Lists are great. They help me buy my groceries, send letters, pay bills and bathe myself.  But what I’ve found with my life is that when I’m living by the list, I often lose perspective.  The perspective that if nothing on my list gets crossed off, life is still going to be grand.

A lot of us earthlings are addicted to productivity. I, myself, am a borderline addict. What often happens is we get so focused on accomplishing the tasks at hand, we forget to soak up the season of life we are currently in. You ever hear people talk about how the year has flown by? Or how people say “You’ll be 40 before you know it.” I have. I’ve said those classics before.

The hard part is taking mental notes of where you are in life. Internally scrapbooking the season you’re going through. Or simply appreciating where you are in life, whether it’s a good or bad moment. The easy thing is to do is to keep those blinders on and see how much you can get accomplished before December 31^st. What I’d challenge you to do is take it out of 5^th gear momentarily and appreciate what this crazy life is currently teaching you.

You see when we get to be old, we should be turtling it on the freeway.  Not for our own safety, but at that point we should have learned how to slow down our lives and appreciate our surroundings.  Do I really think that elderly senora remembers her weekly to do list she made when she was 27? Nope. So slow down for a second Dale Jr, be a sponge for a sec. Yep.

New in my life: The snails are doing a great job.  I’m a Leo, I enjoy speechin’ and beachin’. If we all focused on what is important in our lives, there would be a shortage of fishing poles.

Keep on smilin'

Strong Like Bull

I've been a boxer brief man since '94. Comfortable in most situations, mid-way between tighty whities and boxers, plus they say "I'm professional, but I still like to party." Underwear is expensive though. More so for you females. But when you spend your hard earned dollar on your under britches, you're paying for much more than the fabric of our lives.

I didn't buy my own underwear until college. I may be sharing too much now. Anyways, I always favored new underwear as a gift and people around me knew it. Besides the obvious hygienic reasons of a teenager having new skivvies, I believe there was a subliminal lesson I was teaching myself with this wish list oddity. It's that feeling you get when you put on a new pair of Fruit of the Looms. (Or as I preferred, Joe Boxer. Get it?) It's a comfortable confidence brought to you by cotton.

In life, the more you learn, the more knowledge, hopefully, you retain. The more knowledge that you have property rights to, the more confidence you have in a multitude of situations. But if you don't have knowledge or the confidence you need, there's this mindset that I like to employ on a daily basis. I call it the Day One underwear confidence.

A tactic that speech givers use is picturing your audience in their underwear. It helps ease the tension and gives you some confidence you may need. Well I like to turn the under garment table. The cliche that is commonly used for this is "Deliver with confidence whether you have it or not" My personal twist to that is: "Act as if you're wearing Day One underwear." (I've come to learn that for women having a matching bra and underwear gives you that affirmative poise I speak of.)

They say "Strong roots build relationships" and "A house is built from the foundation up." Well a great personal tenacity stems from the caliber and condition of your briefs.

It may sound silly, but if you haven't experienced the self-assured feeling I'm talking about, it's probably time you make a run to your local Wal-Mart for a fresh set of drawers. So whether you're a briefs, panties, boxers, boy shorts, or something new I don't even know about, treat yourself to a new set. Shake your boss' hand like you're rocking some unseasoned Ralph Laurens. Give that presentation like you just went crazy at Victoria Secret. And if you can't, at least walk around with that Day One Underwear confidence. Yep.

If you're looking for some hand made quality assurance here's a fun company: www.meundies.com

New in my life: The peace sign isn't just a salutation, it's a lifestyle. Gingers do have souls. Everyone needs a privacy fence of corn.

Keep on smilin'

Don't Pick and Flick

I was talking to a middle aged guy the other day about his Toyota Corolla. He seemed like he probably had a nice office job and a wife named Janice. For this group of words, we'll call him Carl. I didn't really care about Carl's car but he had complimented my truck and he seemed nice, so why not? Turned out to be a jolly conversation about vehicles we grew up driving and how much insurance pays for hail damage. It was a 4 minute conversation in a very small waiting room at a vehicle inspection shop at 7am on a rainy Tuesday.

I didn't need to talk to Carl. He didn't need to talk to me. There's a 98% chance I won't see him again. We ended our time together with a motivated "Have a Good Day" wave. One of my favorite things to do when walking down the street or down a hallway is to make eye contact and say hey to my passerbys. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable, but it shouldn't. Whether you're an intro or extrovert, the average lifespan in the US is only around 80 years and it's your choice what you see in them.

Perspective is a word that is often used in regards to how people see the world. There are two different aspects of perspective: mental and physical. Now I could talk for a coon's age about having a solid mental outlook. But having a great physical perspective while we stroll around on this spinning chunk of earth is almost just as important. (A coon's age is about 1.5- 2 years by the way)

I think it's very important to travel and culture yourself in unique destinations that are out of your comfort zone. Go see some crazy topless indians in South America. Or go see that outlandishly big wall the Chinamen built a few years ago. Those are great options to broaden and better your perspective.  But trips like those, for most of us, are rarities. If you are currently like my scheduled self, you're bound by the PTO gods on how far and often you can see the world. And in case my boss is reading, that's an okay thing. It's a current choice I am making.

The point that I am trying to get across is that just because you're not hiking in the Alps, doesn't mean you can't better your physical perspective on a daily basis. I've talked about it before, but we get so caught up in superficials of life, we miss great views almost everyday. I'm guilty of it too. Texting and walking is addictive. TV isn't my thing but I know a few people are a fan of it. These kind of momentary fillers keep us from seeing some of the good looking people and situations in our present.

You see what struck me when I left that waiting room is that I could've spent those 4 minutes updating my social media, but instead I took a moment to pick Carl's brain about the hailstorm of 2013 and the power of his 4 cylinder Corolla. And that made me smile all the way to work.

"Today, stop and smell the roses" is a little over used for my style.  Let's go with "Today, stop and stare at people in traffic." Enjoy the visuals you get on a daily basis. Yep.

New in my life: I thoroughly enjoy checking my email these days. I bought a Jonny Lang cd in high school because Jon Perkins told me to.  Trying to figure out if I will like my niece or my nephew better.

Keep on smilin'

Green Light Means Go.

I used to do this crazy sales job in the summertime during college. And when we had days where we didn’t sell anything, those were referred to as “character building” days. Which was true. When you get told no so many times and yet you still keep going, you add to your character’s stock value.

Now we as human beings are designed for interaction with other people. Even if you collect Star Wars figurines or have 7 cats, you seek some sort of relationship with other people.  The culture that we live in currently, it’s hard to find someone that isn’t checking their cell phone at every red light to see how many more people liked their Facebook status. Or sending a “hey” text to 4 people for the mere sake being connected.  We like to be social.

You see the issue that is hard to swallow, is that it’s healthy to be disconnected and lonely every once in awhile.  With all of our social media outlets and the World Wide Web, we are in an age where it is very easy to keep in touch at all times. 

Thankfully, it doesn’t happen often these days, but there will be times where my phone is quiet for an entire day.  No texts received. No phone calls.  And socially, I have a character building day.  End of the world right? But it’s not really a sad thing. Zero days, as I refer to them, help you gain a sense of self confidence that you wouldn’t get had you checked your Instagram just one more time. I call it a state of being “perfectly lonely.” One short moment of lonely can help you get past being dependent on your social media crutch.

Good or bad, something we are losing with our ongoing online presence is the concept of just being. Having nothing to entertain us but our thoughts is becoming a rarity.  What we have developed, is this habit of always being connected, and along with it, a drastic fear of being lonely.

You’re always welcome to tell me I’m wrong, but give it a whirl next time you sense that lonely feeling coming on.  Instead of tweeting that you’re probably going to die alone, just sit with your thoughts. A little lonely is normal and in my opinion, good for your self being. I’m not encouraging being lonely all the time, like I said we are creatures built for relationships. But since we know it’s inevitably going to happen at some point, we may as well embrace that lonesome feeling as something that’s good for us.  Build some character, be lonely. I dare you.

New in my life: Two-for-one beers on Tuesday are good for me. Confidence comes from keeping busy.  Make different moves, get different results. #legendary

Keep smilin'

JM

This Wine Tastes Like Good

Just thinking about a beard, has made me grow 2 inches of facial hair as I write this. I didn't ask for this talent, nor did I train myself to brilliantly grow a face glove. A lot of people associate the size of a gentleman's beard with how big of man he is. While I'd love to run away with the state title of being the manliest of manly, let's be honest, I'm 5'7". I do enjoy it down here though. Plus I'm taller than the average girl, so I've got that going for me.... Despite that ADHD thought process, the point is that facial hair does not determine how much of a man (or woman) you are.

There are some people that have issues with the concept of male nurses or woman sportscasters. That makes sense. Those stereotypes are different than what America is used to. But if you own what you are doing and are great at it, who cares right? The thing that makes you a man or woman is the thing that makes you feel accomplished no matter public opinion.  Now I haven't birthed an offspring so I don't know the perspective of being a parent or having a family. But I can imagine that providing for your kin makes you feel like a pretty accomplished human being. And the warm fuzzy feeling you can get from that is that you could either be the bread winner of the household or simply by being the one cutting the PB&Js diagonally. Either way, how you rate your life's adeptness should be based on how good you personally feel about your activities.

I thoroughly enjoy growing a garden. I don't do it to get a punch in my infamous man card. I do it because it makes me feel like a productive member of society. And that's all that matters to this guy. Do what gives you confidence.

The important part to note about self worth is that first word of it. It's you who determines it. There's a million different ways to be a man or woman. If you find passion in it, do it. Passion gives you energy. When you have passion in what you're doing, breathing comes easier. Critics are as populous as oxygen. So Darrell at the hospital, keep rocking those scrubs. Erin Andrews, your sports knowledge and bone structure are inspirational to all of us closet black sheep. Keep on keeping on.

New in my life: The compass still points North, I think.  Jew so hard. Do you even lift bro?

Keep on smilin'