Cowboy Cadillac Cool

Three days until Christmas. I'll start celebrating soon. There are a few of you who are experiencing chilly weather. You're not prone to the global warming or The Nino. Minus trying Egg Nog in my coffee, I haven't begun celebrating Jesus' birth yet. Some would say I'm late to the party. Others may say I'm the Grinch or cold hearted. I would say though my personality is right around the 73 degree mark.

"This too shall pass" is a good quote and borderline cliche but it holds value. The other day someone criticized me. This is the part where you're shocked. My first inclination by nature was to feel annoyed, confront my evaluator and resent their point of view. But instead I paused and went back to my prepubescent rituals and took a nap. Naps solve problems. What this mental digestion did is it allowed me to realize how unimportant my worries were. I still didn't agree with my peer's criticism, but instead of dwelling, I came to see it was just a passing moment of emotion.

Comedians, although sometimes vulgar, often have the best perspective on life. They're great at stepping back and calling us out on our ridiculous habits that we have culturally deemed as important. The selfie is a great example here. They're also great at pointing out when us land dwellers over react to things.

You ever get furious at someone driving and then literally 2 minutes later be in the best of moods? It's embarrassing looking back on how I've reacted while at ten and two. I blame Mario Kart. I don't think living with a comedian's mindset is the answer, but what I think a lot of us miss is that everything is a moment.

It's simple to see each day as a culmination of moments but the harder thing to think about is the entirety of your life happening unfolding the same way. A marriage, while hopefully is a longer one, is just a juncture in the span of life. Your o so important job is just an extended jaunt in your story.

It boils down to developing and keeping perspective in your demeanor. It will help you control your reaction whether it's dealing with another driver lacking self awareness or realizing things will get better with time after a loss in the family.

Everything is a moment. Live in the present, but don't put so much value into it that causes dramatic reactions. Keep it smooth, keep it mild. It'll help you get along easier. Yep.

New in my life: Pizza and beers make me grin. Hand models are the bread and butter of Fazoli's advertisements. Working on that beach bod.

Keep Smilin'

#goAtlife

Peanut Butter Needs the Jelly

I was signing up for a new insurance plan and the first question was "How old are you?" The succeeding question was "Are you single?" Internally I responded "Like a Pringle." That response doesn't make sense, it simply rhymes. I caught myself though with a slight feeling of embarrassment confirming I was in fact a rogue male.

Dissecting this transfer of information I wondered why on earth I would be embarrassed at the fact I am single. Was it the subliminal pressure from the hoards of baby pictures on social media? Or maybe it clicked that there's more meaning to weddings than free booze and the chicken dance? (Although those aren't bad priorities)

I don't care what religion you are. I've never been one to get all up in your business in that way. But I do feel that a belief in some form of higher power is crucial for those trivial times in life. I'm sure there are people that believe we are just organisms walking around reacting to things everyday for circa 81 years, but where's the fun in that? Personally, having hope that there is greater plan for each of us keeps me breathing easy and ambitious to make moves.

Our chemical make up is for companionship and biologically, the goal is to create offspring while we're here. So when I say congrats to someone who just had a baby, not only am I excited about the sleepless chapter they're about to begin, but also they're on great pace to finish the "Things to do While I'm a Human" checklist. And that's cool. Babies are fun.

What it really comes down to is comparison and what you believe success looks like. If you think that success equals a house full of babies and a white picket fence as soon as you can, then yeah, rolling solo with Netflix and wine will get depressing eventually. But if you're confident that everyone has their own plan, you won't be watching the hour glass as closely. Plus, once you hit 35 it's kosher to buy a chocolate lab and name him Hans Solo in replacement of a spouse. 

The interweb is littered with cliches on this subject, this is just my version of it. Whether you're single, married, divorced, etc. don't ever let comparison make you feel bad for the path you took in the pursuit of awesomeness. We've all got the same end of the road, just different routes to get there. Yep.

New in my life: I still dig Sponge Bob and black bean brownies. Mizzou football? Never heard of her.  I brake for cabins.

Keep smilin'

#goAtlife

Take Off the Running Shoes Brah

My phone was dirty so I put it in with my laundry for a couple 20 minutes. A couple of tricks to dry out electronics: set it on top of your refrigerator (fridges pull liquid) and the classic put it in a bowl of rice (Asians come to fix the damp electronics when you go to sleep). Neither of those worked for me, but then again my dunking was a bit extreme.

Ducks aren't the most athletic of animals, but they are quick. And when on the water they seem relaxed, their finned feet are moving swiftly under the surface. It's quacktastic.

A couple lessons to be learned about water and my phone getting intimate: 1. Verizon doesn't make it that simple to get a new mobile device. 2. There are more things at play than meet the eye.

I've been phone-less Joe for about 4 days now. It's been a great unintentional cleanse. What has happened with the evolution of the smartphone, is we've created a toy to keep our attention and provide constant instantaneous communication with each other. And since a large number of us have our phone near us 24/7, we've subconsciously created a mental dependency to our hand held devices.

Pull up to a red stoplight, yeah I'll check what time the game is tonight. Waiting for my Chipotle order to be done, Instagram it is! We've conditioned our brain to avoid pausing at all costs. I'm not saying it's the most negative thing, but from my experience, after time, from the constant mental hustle and bustle, your brain gets tired.

People have different reactions to this brain fatigue. Mine was simply developing what I call "thought ADD".  Instead of fully thinking out an idea, I'd hop over to checking my email Inbox, or I'd text a buddy.  This could be a permanent societal thing now, but what my technology sabbatical reminded me of is how refreshing it is to have fuller thoughts. We deprive our brain about fully reflecting on things through technology and we avoid what I term "Thought Obesity."

Phones and technology will be what they will be, but what I'm encouraging you to do is take some time from your normal pace. Even if it's just a weekend where you don't look at some kind of screen as soon as you wake up, try it. Winter is coming, plump up your thoughts.

Just like there's more going on than meets the eye in a duck's world, I think there is a reason I laundered my phone. Someone wanted me to slow down, and I'm cool with that.

New in my life: I need to explore the store across the street more thoroughly, it seems neat. Coffee and a sunrise is good for the soul. Charlie Bob's or bust.

Keep Smilin'

#goAtlife

Even the SEC has Cat Ladies

Last time we chatted, I said “This is my year for climbing mountains.” I’m not remotely enough of a deep thinker for this to be a metaphor for anything.  I simply planned on doing a lot of hiking this summer in the beautiful Rocky Mountains.

Guess what? I failed.  Its nearly the end of August, and I’ve only gone on 2 hikes of notable length. This has distinctly not been my year to climb mountains.

Sure, I’m disappointed.  Making plans and falling short is never a great feeling; whether that be in your day-to-day (not eating that donut for breakfast, not googling “Girls of the SEC” on your work computer) or achieving something you set out to do more long term (losing weight, saving money, meeting that girl you once saw when you googled “Girls of the SEC” on your work computer).

For better or worse though, failure is a part of life.  You won’t get an A+ on every test, you won’t get hired for every job you apply for, and as Mr. Mosley so aptly pointed out in his last post, you’ll get dropped on your back side a few times in the dating game before you settle on one for good.  I know this is starting to sound like my version of the “Van Down by the River” speech, but there is some positive to be found in all this (stick with me here…).

Going back to Joe’s previous musings, a failed relationship is a good time to self-reflect.  Maybe Pizza Hut wasn’t a great place for date night.  The “Loose Those Last 10 Pounds!” book wasn’t a great birthday present.  All are things you can look back on and consciously decide to improve upon when you decide to take another swing at it.

Rejection, though, is fundamentally different than failure.  There can be someone better, more qualified or more compatible in the realm of relationships and employment.  But not achieving a goal is an individualized process.  While there are outside factors that may affect you, completing the process is still your responsibility alone.  But the reflection process is still very much the same.

The great thing about both failures and rejections, though, is that for every failed outcome there is an alternative. Yes, you may have loved Suzie in the 8th grade, but things end for a reason (plus she has 6 cats now and is still rocking the perm).  You really thought you were Vice President material when you applied for that job out of college, too.  But everyone finds their place and all roads lead to somewhere.  Sure I didn’t hike all the mountains I wanted to this summer, but I’ve shaved a few strokes off my golf game and have completed some projects around me house.  Little victories.

Now I wouldn't take “failure” out of your vocabulary, because you can legitimately fail at things (tests, work assignments, pull-ups).  But in some instances maybe “achieving the alternative” is a better way to direct your thought.  And sometimes the alternative is something better that you never anticipated, or was a goal that you previously determined unattainable.  Maybe Joe and I have sounded overly optimistic in these last two posts, but if you can’t find the good in your situation just because it’s not what you expected…it’ll be a long day, brother.

New in Travis’s life: don’t underestimate the importance of a well-tended back lawn and a comfy porch chair, I’m enjoying seeing more of my city from two wheels.

That’s all from out west--

TA

#goAtlife

Don't Be the Slowest Gazelle

I was floating in the lake suspended by an upside down life jacket. I was circa 7 Busch Lights deep and feeling rather thoughtful.  On the shores of most bodies of water there are trees that attempt to sustain life among the waves and rocks. Some of them get lucky and find the resources they need. Others don't.

There was a specific tree I was monitoring in my buoyant state that had half its roots embedded into the muddy bank and the other half were protruding into the water and were bare bones from the waves over the years.

I've been dumped before. That feeling, I imagine it's similar to getting fired, but on a much more personal level. It's one of the worst emotions I've come across in my experience as an earthling. Similar to someone throwing coffee at you while running a marathon or that splatter on your foot from the urinal next to you. Those may be extreme examples.

Although I'd consider myself friends with them, I don't follow many of my exes on social media. Some of them may be reading right now. Hey guurl. It's not a hostile situation, I just simply don't prefer the reminder of inadequacy every time I go to post my life awesomeness.  And those times when I've been digesting that tendon tearing emotion after being fired from a relationship, I've found it's a great moment to step back and take some personality inventory.

Now I've been way too optimistic since about the year 1990, but I think a good old fashioned rejection is a prime opportunity to figure out where your self confidence is rooted. What are your values that keep your head up high in times of weakness? What morals or attributes do you have in your corner for when life gives you a swift hook to the jawbone? Those are great things to think about whether you are in a romantical situation or not.

What sometimes happens when we find success in a relationship or job, is over time our mind starts building our self certainty around those results. Then if things go south, so too does our fortitude.

Getting kicked to the curb is never a good feeling no matter if it's occupationally or in the cupcake-ing sense. But you can lessen that blow if your self confidence is rooted in the right places.  If your personal assurance is based on your God given strengths it won't matter how many waves life throws at you, you'll still have half your roots keeping you from falling into the deep end.

New in my life: Can addictions be good for you? 10 days in a tree does the body and soul good. Either way you spin it, the Cubs suck.

Keep smilin'

#goAtlife

You've Got Nice Eggs

I didn't learn how to make scrambled eggs until I was 26.  I'm not challenged in the culinary world, I just hadn't exposed myself to the combining of chicken placentas together over heat. 

I'm not sure if they are teaching this class in school, but I would love to be a professor for "How to socially fit in." People talk about bullying in schools a lot. I know it happens. Kids can be ruthless. I think addressing this topic could potentially ease that.

The subject matter wouldn't be what to wear or what jokes to say, it would be more so on what to do when you grow up to make yourself a more rounded person.

I've been fortunate in a sense that I've gotten to go quite a few cool places and meet some prominent people. I don't take that for granted. And when I meet someone I admire, I try to dissect what it is that draws me to their personality.

What I've found is the common denominator of these said admirable people is they have exposed themselves to a plethora of different experiences and people. Some of them have done it through travel and others through forcing themselves to interact with people who are quite different in personality. This gains them perspective which will keep their kids from getting put in a locker.

I'm a white 28 year old male.  I realize I could surround my daily activities and extracurriculars with people of the same demographic. But that would narrow my viewpoint. So I befriend the weirdos and go unfamiliar places.

Homework for this lesson: Get out of your comfort zone a bit and throw some muscle confusion in your common hobbies and social sphere. You'll be less of a square and more rounded human when looking back on life.

Lists will keep you organized in life but sometimes that you need that buyer's ADD to make sure you don't lose that appetite for adventure.

New in my life: It's that time to be quiet again. There's 49 days until bow season. Brownies can be good for you. Here in the real world.

Keep smilin'

Why so Fast, Kamikaze?

We all move at a little different pace…in every sense of the term.  I have a little longer legs than my 

friend (and Editor in Chief of the Nashvegas Cup of Joe) Mr. Mosley, both as a physical attribute and my marital status.  But as a married 29 year old with zero dependents on my W2, I’m still certainly not out in front of our contemporaries.  

I (and I assume many of you reading this) are at an awkward time in our existence.  The late 20’s tends to become this spectrum of “where are we at in our lives.”  It encompasses everything from single and getting front-stage at Lynyrd Skynyrd drunk, to attending your oldest kid’s kindergarten graduation (maybe you’re drunk at that too, I don’t make the rules).  

Especially when you leave the space outside of your normal social circle, it can be challenge to find exactly where you fit in.  We’ve all probably been in that spot of planning a BBQ around your friend with the newborn, or breaking it to your buddies that you just can’t make the guys trip this weekend because of that thing you promised your wife you’d go to.  Don’t mistake me as saying its bad to have kids or get married; it’s just one of those lines we all have to toe given the various stages of life we can all be in at this age.

Your late 20’s/early 30’s becomes a gradual progression of questioning:

“Are you dating anyone?” 

“When are you getting married?” 

“When are you going to finally have a kid?” 

“When are you going to have another kid?” 

And so on and so forth.  This line of questioning is all the more exacerbated when someone perceives you as behind the curve.  Late 20’s: Why aren’t you married yet?  Married for 3 years: Why no kids?  Early 30’s: SERIOUSLY, HAVE SOME F&%^ING KIDS ALREADY!!!!  These are just the things you have to become immune to as we progress through our early adult years.  It’s a constant string of expectation to keep “moving on with our lives,” or “growing up,” or something.

But this is all to say that there is not a perfect trajectory that we all climb on our road to a family with 2.5 kids, especially in 2015.  People are getting married and having children at an older age, and the 

milestones, from an age standpoint, differ from person to person.  I have a job where I travel a lot, and my wife has an equally successful career.  We have things we want to accomplish and places we want to go before that dynamic is changed by Travis Jr. being brought into this world.  Some people are ready to start a family as soon as they get the opportunity.  Maybe you want to work and #goAtlife unencumbered by the necessary commitments of a serious relationship.  Each are equally valuable tracts in life, and if that’s the path you choose to blaze, then charge ahead with whatever it is you personally want to achieve. 

Ultimately, your worth to society is not determined by being labeled a dad or mom, husband or wife, or sole proprietor; you’re simply valued on how good you are at being whatever the hell you want to be.  It doesn’t matter if your legs don’t move at the same speed as everyone else, it only matters if you get to where you want to go when you want to get there.

New in Travis’s life: maybe I’ll get back into the blogging game, if Joe will have me; this is going to be my summer of climbing mountains; Japanese TV is a terrible way to kill the early morning jetlag hours.

That’s all from out west--TA

The More the Robins, the Better the Garden

Tattoo sleeves, a neck tat of someone's face and a shaved head. He does push ups and military work outs in front of his house. The best taco trucks in Nashville aren't aesthetically pleasing. The first person to meet a pig didn't know what a BLT tasted like.

First impressions are clutch. I've said and known that forever. Which in this case forever represents circa ten years. If you want someone to think of you as an ally, the initial step to that is making a good first impression. I'll give that advice all day. And when I say first impression here, I'm talking about looks. But coming from the other angle, even though it's natural, it's naive to judge a person by the first impression they convey.

The older we get, the wiser we get right? But a lot of us reading this will be wearing grey velcro shoes and driving an Oldsmobile before we know it. As we creatures get older, typically, we simplify. There's several reasons for it I think. Morbidly, we realize death is sooner than later and we can't take worldly things with us. Often times, we have less money coming in so we cut back. But I think the really great reason we become so uncomplicated is we realize there is more to existence than the shirt on our back.

I heard a derogatory comment calling someone simple the other day.  It's synonymously used as a term for being dumb. But I disagree with that usage. I believe finding simplicity in your life is having that same wisdom Agnes has when she orders her coffee every morning and sits at McDonalds with her church friends. As we age we learn to focus less on things and more on people.

See, I'd rather not wait for social security to kick in to start really appreciating the being part of humans. It's hard to do, but don't put all your weight in the image someone is presenting. I'll look past someone's grey velcro shoes to get a delicious BLT at at taco truck. Huh? Kidding.

But back to the opening line, I met Matt that lives across the street. Sure he's inked up and seems like a hardass on the outside, but when you genuinely interact with someone, you might learn that he's a super nice guy that's a chef at Cheesecake Factory and wants to move to California to become a rapper. I'm going to suggest Phat Matt as his stage name, but then again I'm very caucasian. Boiled down what I'm saying is soul trumps image. Judge slowly.

New in my life: Bears like watermelons. I'm wearing jorts more consistently. My legit uncle skills are motivating.

Keep smilin'

#goAtlife

JM

The Best Jelly is Strawberry

Minus "Elf" I think Will Ferrell's best movies are him playing in a supporting role.  Do your research, let me know what you think. It's great when someone takes the last piece of pizza and doesn't offer it to everyone else first. That's humanity in one of it's rawest forms.

We're all born selfish, and subconsciously we all are selfish on a daily basis. We're looking out for #1, and that's a good thing. It's survival. Now we may have moments of our day when we are not acting self-interested, there are certain responsibilities that distract us from our selfish tendencies. Children and jobs are great examples of that. But usually we wake up and try to better our situation.

Now before you play the "Not me, I'm not selfish card," lets remember that selfish isn't a completely bad quality. It's natural really, but it's been ingrained in us since 0 B.C. that we shouldn't be self-absorbed.  Now I'm not preaching that you should put your egomaniac pants on everyday, what I'm saying is concern for yourself but do it in moderation. 

Point being, it's easy to focus on ourselves, and in this crazy storyline we call life we view ourselves acting the lead role. But similar to some of my favorite block busters, the supporting actors are what really bring the plot together.

Your crew, sphere, circle, posse, gang, amigos, group of friends etc. are an eclectic representation of who you are. Better yet, if you've chosen wisely, they are the ones who will stick around if your movie flops at the box office.

To keep this simple, for those moments when your life isn't a fairy tale, you'll need a strong supporting cast to keep it going. I call them my top tier. For some people it's their family. If we are all drinking from the cup that is half full, we are going about our day hoping for "Avatar" type of motion picture success in life. But just in case your personal screenplay falls short of "Dumb and Dumberer," have a top notch group of cameos backing you up.

Whomever you choose to be in your inner circle, make your movie a star-studded line up and don't forget the strength you have in your supporting roster. Appreciate your friends and let them know it.

New in my life: GoatLife Co isn't Santa Clause or the Easter Bunny. A great by-product of a plan is peace of mind.  Looking for a neat roommate for the Goat Abode.


Keep smilin'

#goatlife

Cedar Trees Don't Rot

The first generation iPhone came out on January 9, 2007.  Babies cry to better themselves. I don't blame them really. If I needed something and had no way of saying it or doing it myself, I'd be pretty frustrated too. The way an iPhone communicates though is through updates. Every few months my phone tells me there's a better version of itself awaiting. See even phones aspire to become better beings.

I learned the other day that our personalities aren't actually our true self. Deep, I know. That there are a couple layers that most of us live in that hide our actual being. This is the diagram I was presented:

This makes sense to me. When you ask someone "Tell me about yourself." Even then people will usually revert to their occupation, where they are from or what species of dog they own. Depending on the relationship, some people may go even a little deeper and tell you about their past, maybe some of their trials and tribulations, their shame. But it's difficult for us to share our true identity, our basic self. It takes venerability and courage to be exposed like that.

When you cut through the personality and shame, you share your genuine strengths and weaknesses. The core underlying premises that you make your daily decisions on. I have hilarious, punny jokes that most people don't get. That's part of my personality and you're welcome. But obviously my morals aren't rooted in how the moon cuts his hair....eclipse it. Seriously though, if you want to escalate a relationship and really connect with someone, don't let your current character traits or past skeletons get in the way. Share what makes you tick over some tea...or maybe a cup of Joe.

Bringing it home here, just like the iPhone, throughout our lives we are going to have updates that change our personality and fix our bugs, but it's not going to change the 1st generation you.  There are core features that your ethics are based on and it's pretty freeing when you own them no matter what that looks like. Surface level is neat, but not as fulfilling as letting your closest allies in on who you really are. Share a bit.

New in my life: Leaving the avocado seed in your guac doesn't keep it from turning brown, only tupperware can save your dip.  Making mistakes means you're learning. There are four seasons in a year.

Keep smilin'

#goatlife